It’s been a year since my mother died, which means it’s taken me a year to finally share these thoughts. After she left us, one of my first ideas to honor her was writing this blog—specifically sharing what my mother taught me about finances, work, and education.
So, as I reflect on the life I had with my mother, here are some of the things that I remember the most regarding how she shaped my money mindset.
The Value of Work Ethic
My mother did not pursue any further education beyond high school. After graduating high school, she worked in retail sales but then didn’t work much after getting married at 19 and having me at 21 before my two younger sisters were born. When my sisters and I were young, my mom “worked” as a stay-at-home mom. She later worked a variety of jobs in childcare, teaching, and retail. My mom served as a preschool teacher and a nanny where she touched countless young lives.
Then I remember her working at about half a dozen retail stores in the local mall all in succession. It was during this time, when I was a teenager, that I witnessed my mom working those jobs while also displaying true passion, loyalty, and work ethic. It was impactful to see her dealing with the challenges of retail work without ever having a quitter’s mindset.
Mindful Spending Mindset
Both my parents were frugal and very careful with how they spent money. During my entire childhood I never once observed them spend frivolously. There was never a random day when they brought home a new car, announced we were going on a lavish vacation, or purchased the big-screen TV or inground pool like all the neighbors had.
A Passion for Generosity (A giving spirit)
My mom had a passion for giving and serving others. She truly cared deeply about everyone around her. Yet, to say that she loved animals would be an egregious understatement! She was a staunch animal lover and fierce advocate for animal rights. She also was a loyal supporter of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), the National Wildlife Federation, and various local pet shelters.
The Importance of Saving Money & Avoiding Debt
“If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it,” my mom would always say. Those principles she instilled led me to save and purchase my first three cars in cash with no debt. During my single years she would always get on to me about constantly buying new clothes. My attempt to explain to her that I needed to keep my wardrobe fresh for the ladies seemed to fall on deaf ears. “The best way to save money is to stop spending it,” mom would remind me.
Separating Needs from Wants
The concept of determining needs versus wants is something we all struggle with. It can be difficult determining needs from wants because your brain will play tricks on you. Most of us have more stuff than we’ve ever had before – and definitely more stuff than our parents and grandparents had before us. This is where behavior modification and delayed gratification comes into play.
One instance where my mom displayed patience and delayed gratification was with her car. She shared the story of owning her previous vehicle for 17 years before buying a new (used) one. [See more on my mom’s thoughts on this topic in my one-on-one interview section below.]
In this video, my mom discussed the psychology of money and what our grandparents lived without vs. what we have today.
Never Stop Learning
Despite only earning a high school degree, my mother stressed the importance of education. At age 40 I had the opportunity to pursue a master’s degree (without paying for it) but came up with every excuse in the book – “I’m too old,” “I’ve been out of school too long and it will be too difficult of a transition back to school,” “We’re about to have a baby,” “The classes are too late at night,” “I’m not grad school material,” and on and on. My mom wouldn’t hear of it and said, “If it were easy, everyone would be doing it!”
Top 10 Money Questions for Mom
When I wrote my first money-related book, Margin Matters: How to Live on a Simple Budget & Crush Debt Forever, I thought it would be a good idea to interview my mom on her thoughts about money. Boy am I glad I did because it would end up being one of last money chats we had together.
Here’s my mom….unedited, unfiltered, uncensored…telling it like it is one final time!
1) What is your view of money? (How do you define it?)
Money means freedom but also responsibility. I think that to whom much is given, much should be shared with those who may be less fortunate than us. My goal is not to be made of money. My goal is to be able to pay the bills and have some money for retirement.
2) How has your view of money changed from your childhood to adulthood?
My dad taught me about saving and buying a car that I could afford to make monthly payments on. My mom was a little more conservative with money but she still bought us the things we needed. When I was a kid, I got a regular allowance for cleaning the windows or doing something besides simple, basic living chores. I did extra tasks to earn money if I wanted to buy a new pair of shoes or a purse.
When I was around 11 or 12, I started babysitting for all the neighbors and members of my church. They paid me about 50 cents an hour and I was excited if I came home with $2. My first job was as a senior in high school when they had DCT [Diversified Career Technology] when you would go to school for half a day and work half a day. I worked for a family friend’s refrigeration company as a part-time secretary. I made about $25 a week. After I graduated high school, I worked retail jobs.
I always did things to make extra money because I wanted to make enough money to allow me to stay home with my kids when they were young. I kept kids, cleaned houses, and sold Avon because it wouldn’t have made sense to pay a babysitter with three kids.
You should have a limit in your mind for how much you are willing to pay for stuff.
3) What is your view on debt? Is there good debt and bad debt?
If you can make the payments, I guess debt is OK, but you don’t want to stretch it out forever because you’ll end up paying way too much for something with all the interest. I think student loans are a horrible debt. I don’t know about good debt and bad debt. I guess all debt is bad because no one wants to be in debt. Sometimes you have to be in debt but just for a limited time. If you can’t afford to do something, don’t do it. You should have a limit in your mind for how much you are willing to pay for stuff.
4) What are your thoughts on student loan debt?
The student loans are insane now. It seems like the kids who get out of school, unless they’re going to be a doctor or lawyer, they end up never being able to pay it off. It’s a humongous amount of debt for them to be carrying for not a huge money-making job after they graduate. I wouldn’t recommend getting into a student loan unless you know you can pay it back with a huge salary.
I know a lot of people that can’t even function right now because of their student loan debt. They can’t be self-sustaining because of their debt. It’s sad.
My favorite money quote from Mom:
I hate budgets…it’s against my nature.
5) What is your view on living on a budget?
I hate budgets. I know that you need one and you should go by one but it’s against my nature. I feel like it’s constraining because you want what you want when you want it. Your dad and I had a lot of arguments and fights over money. Your dad always handled the money. He would give me a budget during each pay period and would say, “When you run out of money, there is no more.” That’s how you get into credit card debt, too. If something unexpected happens, like you have to go to the dentist, or need new tires, you have to use the credit card.
There was a time when your dad was out of work for about six months and we had to use the credit card a lot. We ran up around $20,000 in debt but we were focused on paying it all back as fast as we could.
6) Why is saving money important?
I think you should teach your children to save half of whatever they have. If you make $10 you should put $5 aside. I’m referring to if you [as an adult] are making extra money after paying your bills—always save half. If I babysat and got $20, I would save $10. You might be saving for a new pair of shoes or you might want to have $10 to get something to eat.
You should save for your future. I know a lot of people my age that don’t and when they get older they are going to be living in a cardboard box. Then they are going to be jealous of you because you can do things, have things, and go places. It’s all because they didn’t budget and save money like they should’ve. We save the maximum amount we can into each individual Roth IRA account. I’m not good with money. Your dad will tell you that. We’ve hired a financial planner and that’s been very helpful for us.
7) Why do you think money is such a taboo topic?
The love for money is a huge problem. People who are down and out probably feel embarrassed and ashamed that they haven’t managed their money well and when they have lots of money they’re probably scared that someone’s going to want a handout. So people just keep quiet about what they have.
8) Why is it so difficult to separate needs from wants?
I think our society is inundated with shoving everything in our face and making us think we need something when of course your grandparents lived without everything that we have now such as a dishwasher and a garbage disposal. I think it’s because of all the commercialization of everything, and when people get something new and exciting they have to brag about it, so that makes others think they have to have it when in reality they don’t.
I drive a 17-year-old car and still like it, but other people might think that they need a new car every few years. I think it all goes back to how you’ve been raised. If you’re taught that this is something you have to have then let’s save for it. I think that you are very spoiled if you have to get everything right this minute. Then you don’t know how to wait.
9) What money lessons are important to teach children?
If it’s something they want and don’t really need and it’s not their birthday or Christmas, or maybe a big purchase item, and they are old enough to understand money, teach them to save and work little extra jobs to earn it. They will appreciate it much better and will take better care of it if they know they’ve spent their own money on it. If you give them whatever they want right then and there, they will not care about it. If they still want it a week later, they’ll still want it.
If you are giving kids an allowance, teach them to save part of it for bigger purchases they might want in the future. Create goals and incentives for kids to make them appreciate what they’ve earned. If they don’t learn that kind of teaching, that’s how they get spoiled and that causes problems in adulthood which then creates debt because they never learned. It’s like when all these kids get a participation trophy. That mentality does not teach them to go for that great job that’s got that the high salary if they think that everyone is going to be treated equal. That’s not the way life works.
10) How can we not stress about money?
If you can stick to a budget that might help. If you have the time, work extra jobs to help pay off debt. There was a time when we moved from Miami [Florida] to Marietta [Georgia] that we had two mortgages until we were able to sell the house in Miami. Your dad worked at Domino’s and delivered pizzas at night in order to pay the extra bills. Some people work three jobs. You have to do what you have to do, but as soon as you can, let go of the extra jobs so you can relieve stress and be with your kids more.
Thanks mom. You taught me more about money than you’ll ever know. I’ll miss our money chats.
